Feeling emotionally overwhelmed? The answer’s CLEAR

Counsellors often face an emotional paradox: we must be deeply empathetic but also professionally detached. Students share stories about family pressures, academic anxiety and fear of the future. Over weeks, their emotions can subtly transfer on to you – a concept known in psychology as “emotional contagion”.

What makes this dangerous is that it doesn’t look like a problem at first. You still function, but inside you start feeling drained, irritable or detached from your own motivation. Recognising this early is key.

A few years ago, during an admissions peak, I noticed that I would finish my sessions and feel mentally heavy. Not tired, but emotionally foggy. Students’ worries about rejection or failure stayed in my mind even after office hours.

I realised I needed a system to keep on caring without carrying. So I developed an approach that helped me – and that can help other counsellors stay connected yet emotionally balanced.

The “CLEAR” technique 

I created a simple personal framework called CLEAR, which I now share with new counsellors. It helps you stay empathetic without absorbing too much.

C: check in with yourself (before every session)

Take 60 seconds before meeting a student. Ask yourself:

• What emotion am I bringing into this room?

• Am I calm enough to listen?

This prevents emotional spillover from one session to another.

Tip: keep a grounding object, such as a small stone or bracelet, as a physical reminder to stay centred.

L: listen deeply, not heavily

Active listening doesn’t mean carrying the students’ pain. It means being fully present through tone, silence and empathy, while reminding yourself that this is their story, not yours.

I often visualise a glass wall between me and the student: transparent enough to see through, but strong enough to protect my emotions.

E: externalise the emotion

After an intense session, write a quick reflective sentence that names what you feel. For example: “I felt helpless when the student cried about parental pressure.” Then turn over the page, literally and symbolically. It’s a mental cue that the session has ended.

Tip: never skip this step during exam or admission seasons, as it resets your emotional load.

A: anchor yourself in something unrelated to work

Each day, do one small thing that reconnects you to yourself, such as cooking, taking a short walk, playing music or journaling.

These small rituals anchor your identity outside your professional role. My decompression ritual is to take a five-minute walk after office hours and before touching my phone.

R: reflect and reconnect

At the end of every week, ask yourself:

• Which moments stayed with me?

• Which emotions were hardest to let go?

Discuss one with a peer or mentor. Peer debriefing normalises what we carry silently.

How to apply the CLEAR technique

Create an emotional-hygiene routine

Just like physical health, emotional hygiene needs consistency: daily short resets instead of long, rare breaks.

Use visual separation

Keep a symbolic boundary between your workspace and rest space, even if it’s just closing your counselling notebook or changing your desk lighting.

Normalise supervision

Many schools see supervision as optional, but it’s essential. Talking to another counsellor keeps you grounded and objective.

Help students take ownership of their choices

Instead of trying to rescue students emotionally, help them take responsibility for their choices. It empowers them and lightens your load.

Real-life impact

After applying the CLEAR method for a year, I noticed that my sessions became calmer and more focused. Students felt seen but I no longer felt drained.

Colleagues also started using parts of this method, especially C: check in and E: externalise, and shared similar results. The key is consistency. Emotional regulation is like fitness: it builds with daily repetition.

Empathy without boundaries is unsustainable. This challenge reshaped my counselling philosophy: a counsellor’s calm is the student’s anchor. Our job isn’t to absorb emotions; it’s to create a safe space so that students can process theirs.