How to use Restorative Practice as a school counsellor

My educational philosophy focuses on relationships in the learning process, and the need to develop connection before delivering content. For almost 20 years Restorative Practices (RP) have enabled me to foster supportive and empowering environments for children in classrooms, boarding communities and their own homes. It is now central to my approach to guidance counselling.

RP is “a social science that studies how to build social capital and achieve social discipline through participatory learning and decision-making”. 

Often associated with mediation, conflict resolution and disciplinary issues, its principles extend far beyond. It focuses on building or repairing relationships, while fostering individual and collective responsibility.

This aligns with the holistic student support and proactive well-being initiatives championed by modern educational frameworks, aiming to cultivate student agency and create more inclusive environments.

I have experienced numerous scenarios where RP has been useful for students who face not just academic hurdles but significant emotional and social challenges.

Perhaps you are counselling two highly competitive students applying for the same scholarship. Traditional counselling approaches might focus on individual preparation, but if tensions arise because of perceived unfairness, simply telling them to “be fair” can fall flat. 

This is where RP can come in. Instead of just managing conflict, it seeks to understand root causes and empower individuals to find solutions collaboratively. It recognises that the university application process, with its inherent pressures, can sometimes strain peer relationships, create anxieties and lead to feeling overwhelmed.

A counsellor can use RP in their counselling through their questioning. Rather than “Why did you do this?”, “What did you do wrong?” or “How can I fix this for you?”, restorative questions invite reflection and accountability:

• “What happened?” (Encourages shared understanding)
• “What were you thinking/feeling at the time?” (Promotes empathy and self-awareness)
• “Who has been affected by this, and how?” (Highlights impact on others)
• “What needs to happen to make things right?” (Focuses on repair and responsibility)

These questions stem from the RP social discipline window, which posits that the best way to support children is with clear expectations coupled with high support. This way we work with students, rather than for them. 

Imagine a group of students struggling with shared anxiety over approaching application deadlines. Instead of offering multiple individual time management tips, a restorative circle could be facilitated. Students are given a safe structured space to share feelings, acknowledge collective stress and collaboratively brainstorm solutions. 

This might involve peer-to-peer support systems, shared resources or even collectively approaching teachers for deadline extensions. Of course, these do not replace 1:1 sessions entirely. 

If a student has consistently missed meetings or deadlines related to their applications, a restorative conversation can help them understand the impact of their actions on their own future and the counsellor’s ability to support them, fostering a sense of ownership rather than mere compliance.

Through RP, students can improve communication and self-efficacy, see a reduction in stress and experience a stronger sense of community among peers. By embracing RP we can equip students with life skills such as conflict resolution, empathy, teamwork and personal responsibility that will serve them well beyond their university applications.

However, RP is not a panacea. No counsellor is an island. We operate within complex socio-ecological systems, many of which can be highly punitive and at odds with relational ways of working.

Success is more likely when RP is used consistently as a whole-school approach, as opposed to a tokenistic add-on. But I believe it is still worth trying within the environment you can control because it can enrich the lives of students and transform your own practice.