Laurie Taylor Column

Candidate 1572. Marks please, Maureen.

67, 66, 59, 64, 63 and 65. And the average is 64.1.

So under our rounding-up rules, the 67 and the 66 are rounded up to 70. And that gives us a new average of 65.16, which then in turn rounds up to 66.

Now, any comments on the individual marks? Any intimations of firstness on that 65 paper? Which graduate assistant marked that one? Was that you, Mike?

Dave. Yes, I did mark that one. Pretty average, although the second answer was of first-class quality.

Mmm. Sounds like a candidate who doesn't respond well to the examination situation. A good reason for rounding up that particular mark to 69. Right.

Any comments on the 63? You again, Dave?

That's right. Again, just one good answer.

This is beginning to sound more like an underperforming first than a routine upper. Which suggests we should round up that 63 to a 68. Now, any personal evidence? Yes, Maureen?

The candidate recently lost a favourite family pet.

Very sad business. I suggest we take a generous view and round up any marks that might have been affected by post-traumatic stress. That would easily turn the borderline 59 into a solid 65. What's the new average, Maureen?

67.8.

Which rounds up to a clear first. Excellent news. I had the feeling that there was something first class about this candidate. Yes, Doctor Quintock.

A small point, Professor Lapping - do all of us need to be here for this process? Couldn't you and Maureen simply work out how to give everyone a first without involving the entire department?

Really, Doctor Quintock. That would be most irregular. How on earth could Maureen and I possibly constitute a quorate examiners board?

You could round yourselves up. Only a thought, you understand.