Help the medicine go down

July 24, 2014

Our Head of Zodiac Studies, Professor Mike Draco, has warmly welcomed the appointment of Greg Clark as the new minister for universities and science.

Professor Draco told The Poppletonian that his confidence in the new minister was based on Mr Clark’s well-documented support for “NHS homeopathic hospitals” and his stated belief that “complementary medicine has the potential to offer clinically-effective…solutions to common health problems”.

Although Professor Draco admitted that Mr Clark had not so far publicly expressed his belief in the tenets of astrology, he felt that anyone “who was so readily prepared to fly in the face of overwhelming scientific evidence about the inefficacy of homeopathy might well incline towards a belief in the beneficial effects of Sagittarius’ ruling planet Jupiter rising in Leo”.

However, a rather more guarded response came from Dr K. D. Strang of our Department of Parapsychology. While welcoming the appointment of a minister who was “not in hock to the shibboleths of scientific reason”, he cautioned that any sign of support for homeopathy “should always be taken with a pinch of salt”.


It’s a family affair

Suggestions from hostile critics that recent appointments to Poppleton’s School of Management may have involved “a degree of nepotism” have been described as “unfortunate” by Louise Bimpson, our Corporate Director of Human Resources.

Ms Bimpson said she understood that the allegations had been prompted by the much publicised criticisms of recent appointments to the Swansea University School of Management: appointments that included Nigel Piercy as the dean of the school, his son Niall as the deputy dean for operations, and Nigel’s partner as reader in the school.

Although Ms Bimpson agreed that there were “surface resemblances” between this state of affairs at Swansea and Poppleton’s recent decision to offer senior posts in its own School of Management to five leading members of the Borgia family, she insisted that Poppleton’s appointments were based solely on the Borgia family’s proven track record in people management.

She described the subsequent “disappearance” of 20 former members of staff from the school as “purely coincidental”.


Thought for the week

(contributed by Jennifer Doubleday, Head of Personal Development)

Although we are now at the beginning of ‘the statutory period of absence’ (formerly ‘the hols’) it was refreshing to see such a large turnout for last week’s memorial service for the former minister for science and universities, David Willetts. After a moving address by our vice-chancellor who spoke of Mr Willetts as ‘a minister with two brains but only a single ear for the Russell Group’, the university choir sang an uplifting version of the Gilbert O’Sullivan hit single, A Loan Again – Naturally, followed by the classic hymn Debt of Ages. The service concluded with a reading from The Book of Profits.

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