No smiles at Glasgow University, whose staff newsletter offered champagne for replying to a questionnaire. But instead of replies, it was objections that fizzed in to the next newsletter: "I find it unacceptable," scolded one, "that alcohol is still being used as an inducement for seeking replies to questionnaires". Another complained: "I wouldn't want champagne from such a source. Just more pay, less stress, much less paper . . . so include me out."