Maureen gets her gong

For a fleeting moment, it looked as though Professor Lapping had finally joined forces with Dr Quintock, the ever-absent Dr Piercemuller and Mr Odgers to nominate his long-suffering secretary for an honour.

Last week, Maureen was awarded an MBE for services to higher education in the Queen's birthday honours. Alas for the University of Poppleton, however, further investigation established that the Maureen in question was a Mrs Groves, accommodation services manager at Queen's University, Belfast.