Slippery circumstances

The alternative Dearing report? The Big Issue in Scotland has produced a special student guide that includes the low-down from an unnamed "leading tutor at one of Scotland's universities".

It begins: "Never mind about the higher calling of education, the purity and plurality of the mind and all that crap. University is all about money. And that, basically, means students aren't in any way important." But students can have their uses, it seems, although the tutor warns against it. "Female students should be advised that there is never any reason you should have to see a male academic after office hours. If you do so, you may find that the research project he's asked your help with involves six hard-boiled eggs, a tub of Swarfega and a wetsuit."