Sit still and behave

Staff at Birkbeck College, London, were warned to behave nicely at last weekend's graduation ceremony.

A missive from Josie Charleton, director of external relations, recommended staff "find a comfortable position when you sit down, to keep fidgeting to a minimum".

"Please refrain from looking up or away from the speaker. This is very distracting for the audience and may give the impression that you are disinterested [sic] or even bored!" lecturers were told.

The Diary could only imagine that her final piece of advice was superfluous: "Please also refrain from chewing gum."