Degree of desperation

The Diary would like to congratulate St Jude's University College, which has come a long way in recent times. Casting an eye over the institution's website, the extent of the college's former difficulties becomes apparent.

For example, the college was forced to recall its class of 1999 after the English funding council branded that year's degrees "unsafe".

Since then, the college has boosted student numbers by asking candidates to pass only a cheque-book test. Further growth is in the pipeline after the principal decided to use staff stem cells to clone more students.

A college spokesperson told The Diary: "For too long it has been assumed that the only means of achieving social equality was by improving the lot of the disenfranchised. By offering degrees to everybody, regardless of academic ability, education will cease to be the preserve of an intellectual mafia."

Details: www.ucsj.fslife.co.uk