Art of bodily defence

Brilliant but misunderstood body-part artist Anthony-Noel Kelly was in court this week charged with stealing bits of dead'uns in the name of art. Mr Kelly was joined at Southwark Crown Court by Neil Lindsay, alleged to have been paid to help nick the parts from the Royal College of Surgeons.

The prosecution says the two, when nabbed by the cops, launched into a tirade of criticism of the college's procedures for handling human remains, accusing it of keeping them well beyond their best-by date. The college also used an incinerator at the nearby Imperial Cancer Research Fund for disposing of parts without permission, they thundered. A solid defence if there ever was one, although the Crown Prosecution Service says Mr Kelly and friend face a maximum of seven years in jail.