How to find your people in a new country

As we approach what is, for many, the season of celebration, homecoming, family and togetherness, I feel compelled to write about the sense of home, community and togetherness that we may also feel as counsellors in our workplaces. 

Many of us enjoy the exquisite privilege of being able to work in schools all over the world. However, one of the drawbacks of moving is having to start over – rebuilding your social network, your habits and routines. 

But is it a drawback? Playwright George Bernard Shaw famously wrote: “Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” This is a good aphorism to carry with you when you move to a new country. It is an opportunity to create yourself and create for yourself: ideas, activities, friendships, events, opportunities.

Bonding over a common interest

I am not particularly sporty, in the sense that I don’t play any individual or team sports. However, I love walking and hiking, so when I moved to Bali I was spoilt for uphill activities: with 13 volcanoes (including two sacred peaks that are still classified as active) there were plenty of hiking options. 

Within weeks, I’d found a small group of colleagues who similarly enjoyed a vertical challenge. After six months of hikes, we formalised it by creating the Bali@Altitude club, organising regular walks, hikes and overnight stays. Members were from across the school, and I did not interact with most of them on a regular basis. So it was a beautiful chance to get to know the wider school community and bond over shared – and challenging – experiences.

The idea of bonding over a common interest is strangely underexplored as a professional conduit for connection in our industry. Go to an event, a fly-in or a conference, and you’ll notice that most of the chatter begins as a comment on the weather, the jetlag or the hotel buffet, and if you’re lucky might progress to something more personal and relatable. It’s often these personal chats and connections over a shared interest, such as music, upbringing or lifestyle, that result in the deepest friendships. 

Similarly, I’ve observed that, quite often, the closest work friendships I have are with colleagues who began working at a school the same time as me. Finding commonality in the uniqueness of starting in a new school or country, and going through the shared challenges of settling in, can bring people closer together in mutual understanding. 

Sharing joy with another human being

It needn’t be a formal process – something as simple as a WhatsApp group can be a good enough channel to bring people together. Not everything has to be approved by HR. 

A great example of this is the Nintendo Friends in HE group on LinkedIn. This was created by higher-education marketing consultant Kyle Campbell, who was looking for ways to unite people in the industry over a shared interest in Nintendo games and consoles, and to help them “signal to each other in the wild”. 

Every Friday lunchtime, he hosts a 30-minute online game session (usually Mario Kart, if you’re interested) for people to join and connect over. And it’s working. Kyle says: “Now, when I attend conferences, I’m just as likely to have someone come up to me and talk video games as I am education marketing.” 

That’s a win-win right? Finding friendship and solace, with the added bonus of a mutual appreciation of the daily grind. As Kyle says, “You’ll be surprised how much more open people are to collaboration when they’ve just shared in joy or nostalgia with another human being, especially one who’s from the same sector and understands their day-to-day.”

Moments of shared connection

Earlier this year I left behind the undulating volcanic mountains of Bali and moved to Surrey, England, where there are certainly no volcanoes, and the tallest point in the county is Leith Hill, a meagre 294 metres above sea level. However, I didn’t let this stop me from making friends, and one of the first things I did was join the TASIS England hiking club. Not discouraged by the lack of actual mountains, we hiked the curiously named Devil’s Punch Bowl in the Surrey Hills National Landscape. It was cold, it was bracing, it was challenging – and it created some lovely moments of shared connection with colleagues whom I was pretty unfamiliar with, but now greet warmly when I see them in school (and laugh about that time I spiked my fingers while trying to open a horse chestnut).

So, if the thought of moving school or country is filling you with trepidation, consider the kinds of communities you want to find and be part of in your next workplace. And don’t feel like you have to wait for it to be created – you have the power to create something of value, to create that shared space for people to bond over. 

And who knows? You might make lifelong friends, or uncover interests and talents you never knew existed.