How to find the silver lining on a cloudy day

It’s been a difficult day. The students are unmotivated and you’ve just had a frustrating conversation about questionable behaviour. You are tired, there’s so much to do and none of it feels particularly rewarding. You forget why you wanted to become a college counsellor in the first place and just want to go home and sleep. 

How do you find the silver lining on days like this? Here are some suggestions. 

1. Focus on the small things

There are always small things that can bring a smile. It can be a funny or brilliant remark from a student or a colleague, a surprisingly delicious school lunch or a sunny afternoon. It can also be an incremental gain that may be invisible to most people, but evident to you – for example, a student showing up after a long, difficult and dormant period. 

Intentionally focusing on these very small things can be the silver lining you didn’t know you needed. 

In fact, even on non-cloudy days, we should celebrate not only the amazing visible wins but the small wins as well. These small wins are much more common in our daily life. 

2. Celebrate showing up 

When you are doubting your own ability to carry on for another hour, the fact that you are showing up to work every day is worth celebrating. 

3. Make a collection of affirmations

If you need a silver lining on a bad day, make a folder of affirmations when it’s a good day. Whether it’s a handwritten note (or a photo of it), a screenshot of a deeply moving email or just a nice message from a colleague or student, collect the things that you know will warm your heart. Maybe it can be a physical “shrine” – a corner of nice things that bring you joy – that you retreat to, in order to spend 10 minutes recharging before stepping back into your routine. 

4. Think about the bigger picture 

This requires some energy, so don’t force yourself to do it when you’re running on very low battery. But it can help to remind yourself of the larger meaning of the counselling profession and your vocation, which are bigger than the bad day you’re having. You are guiding the next generation to their future. What an incredible thing you’re doing on a day-to-day basis.

5. Step away from the situation

If you’re in a particularly frazzling situation, visualise yourself a year from now (or even sooner than that – in half a year, a month or even tomorrow). Will it be as hectic as it is right now?

The extreme version of this is the “deathbed test” (a phrase I made up). Will this matter when you’re dying? Many things likely won’t. Or think about how astronauts feel when they look at the Earth from space. All these techniques help you to acquire emotional distance from the situation at hand, and to reset your priorities so they’re not entirely dictated by stress. 

6. Step away from the situation – literally 

What may also help is stepping outside the office literally. Go for a walk around the campus. Your brain will appreciate the oxygen and a break from the screen. 

7. List five things that make life enjoyable 

Being a college counsellor is an exciting and a meaningful career, but your life extends beyond that in equally rich and meaningful ways.

Whether it’s a simple pleasure, such as a cup of coffee, or something more involved, like an upcoming travel plan or taking Spanish lessons, or simply spending time with family and friends, remind yourself of the things that make life enjoyable beyond college counselling. 

8. Allow yourself to feel tired or angry 

When you’re in a professional space, you may sometimes feel like your ability to feel certain emotions is limited. This is because college counselling is emotional labour. To mitigate the tiring effects of this, take care of yourself. Allow yourself to feel and express your negative emotions. It’s human to do so.

9. Accept that our work won’t always be pleasant 

The present-day culture can be coloured with an obsession that everything needs to be perfect or constantly great – whether it’s a mood or achievements or just the way life is going. But this is an illusion, because life naturally involves pleasant and unpleasant events and moods. 

Accepting that some days will just be difficult, and that you are currently in the middle of one – and that, eventually, the cloudy period will end and everything will pick up again – can be helpful. 

And even during these periods, there are always silver linings to be found. 
 

This article was inspired by conversations with Holly Huang, currently the counsellor at YK Pao School, in Shanghai.