"Record numbers of advertisements for new jobs as universities jostle for market position and prepare for the next research assessment exercise" - The Times Higher, April 15
The UNIVERSITY OF POPPLETON
TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP TOWARDS A NEW FUTURE
The University of Poppleton is investing in its academic base in order to strengthen and reinforce the unique brand of excellence that has led it to become one of the leading universities of its kind ( work in the phrase " significant track record ") .
Here at Poppleton we seek to advance knowledge through research and teaching of the highest quality ( go on a bit about promoting inquiry and innovation and then add something vague about partnership with business, professions and whatever else comes to mind ).
While we're developing as never before, we haven't lost sight of our traditions ( ramble on for a paragraph about the history and culture of Poppleton University - don't be too specific - and how we want to bring the best of the present into alignment - "alignment" is good - with the best of the future ).
Of course, Poppleton remains a great place to live as well as to work ( weave in that bit from the town guide about Poppleton being a place where tradition is "ever-present but not intrusive" and mention the fast trains to London ).
Successful candidates must be capable of delivering research outcomes of the highest quality. This means that they won't have to do any teaching or administration at all ( needs wrapping up a bit - talk about the posts "not carrying" any significant teaching or administration duties ).
If you'd like to be part of the new Poppleton and think you could fill one of the following posts then we're longing ( too strong ?) to hear from you.
Poppleton University is eager to attract larger numbers from groups of people currently underrepresented in the staff population ( careful here - you never know who might turn up ).
POPPLETON - YOUR NEXT STEP UPWARDS ( must we say " upwards "?)