Laurie Taylor Column

Luton University's vice-chancellor denies that academic staff are enrolling on their own courses to boost student numbers - THES , January 3

Morning, Maureen. Happy New Year. Did you find the little Christmas gift I left?

Yes, thank you, Professor Lapping. I found it five days ago. When I first came into work.

Excellent. Milk Tray are your favourites?

They've certainly had to become so.

Excellent. Well, how is the old academic team? All fighting fit?

Not quite. Dr Quintock seems rather aggrieved by the enrolment interview he had with you at the end of last term.

I thought it very fair. What did he object to?

He thought it a little unnecessary for you to ask him if he had had a good journey when you know where he has lived in Poppleton for the past 30 years.

Mere convention. Anything else?

He wasn't too keen either on being asked about his hobbies.

Again, mere convention.

And he thought that your question about why he wanted to study media studies at Poppleton was rather redundant.

A quibble. Any other gripes?

I think what really rankles with him is that after a half-hour interview about a number of his own specialist topics...

Yes?

You looked up from your desk, pulled a sorrowful face, and announced that he had been rejected.