Healthier options advice

New moves to treat students as customers - Times Higher, 13 July

July 20, 2007

University of Poppleton
Department of Media and Cultural Studies
From : Maureen (Departmental Secretary)
To : All second-year students

I am now writing with details of some of the optional courses that will be available to you from this October. In line with the new emphasis on students as customers, all these courses now contain essential information about their basic ingredients and possible nutritional benefits.


Ted Odgers - Cultural Theory and Practice

Mr Odgers describes his course as a "natural way to awaken and refresh your mind and body".

Dietary advice : Course is relatively high in indigestible fibre and contains few sweeteners.

Allergy advice : Course may contain small grains of vulgar Marxism.

NSP (not suitable for postmodernists)


Professor Gordon Lapping - A Structural Approach to the Understanding of Soap Opera

Professor Lapping describes his course "as an organic fair-trade course free from all artificial flavouring".

Dietary advice : Course uses thickeners to increase its consistency and may show evidence of cross-contamination from a very similar first-year course.

Allergy advice : Professor Lapping's lecturing style may raise blood pressure and seriously irritate the skin.

Further information : All Professor Lapping's lectures are past their sell-by date.

FCR (guaranteed free from contemporary relevance)


Doctor Piercemüller - Cross-Cultural Approaches to Media Studies: The Tuscan Case

Doctor Piercemüller describes his course as "a vine-ripened course filled with juicy sun-kissed chunks from the deep south".

Dietary advice : A very low-calorie course with almost no nutritional value.

Allergy advice : Doctor Piercemüller is allergic to students.

Further information : All Doctor Piercemüller's courses have roamed freely for several years.

NSM (not suitable for most people)


I trust that this information will help you with your choices. Remember that we are here to serve and that our courses are never knowingly understood.


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