Advising students on making friends at university

A concern that students might come to you with is how they will make new friends when they go to university. This is a valid concern, so here are some tips that you can give them, as their high school counsellor, that might help them to connect with their new classmates.

Reach out to other people

For some people, chatting to someone they’ve never met before comes as naturally as breathing. For others, it can be a little bit trickier. Reaching out to new people and starting a conversation is the first step towards making new friends. And past that initial stage, things get a lot easier. Here are a few examples of ways to break the ice:

• Introduce yourself (with a smile!) to whoever you sit next to in class.
• Ask if you can sit with an unfamiliar group or person at lunchtime.
• Compliment someone when you speak to them for the first time – everyone loves a compliment. It can be about lots of things, like their style or a comment you heard them make in class.
• Ask your classmates about the teachers and what their classes are like.
• Ask about something you see them doing, like the book they are reading or the music they are listening to.

Perhaps ask your student to practise introducing themselves to you and start a conversation as though you were a fellow student in their new university. Practising talking to new people is a great way of supporting your students to make new friends and take the first steps when introducing themselves to others.

Ask open questions and listen actively

One of the best ways to get to know people is to get them to talk about themselves. After all, it’s everyone’s specialist subject. Open-ended questions are a great way to get people to open up. Not only does this take the pressure off you to talk, but it leads to a much more interesting conversation than yes/no questions. For example, instead of asking “do you like English?”, ask “what made you choose English this year?”

Remember, listening to the answers is just as important as asking the questions. People enjoy conversations a lot more when they feel as though they are being heard. 

Ask your student to write down a list of questions they could ask someone they have just met, focusing on open-ended questions that require the other person to share a little more about themselves.

Join a team or club 

One of the best ways to meet people who share your interests is to find the place where these people meet. At school or college, this generally tends to be on teams or in clubs.

If your student is part of a team or club at school, you can encourage them to find a similar one at their chosen university. 

If they aren’t, you can ask them to share their interests and passions and perhaps help them to find a club or activity that aligns with their interests at their new university.

Spend more time with new friends

The quest to make new friends does not end at the initial meeting. It’s important to express to your students that new friendships take time and effort to become close connections. 

Suggest to your student that they arrange to take the same route to and from school with their new friend, agree to sit with them at lunch or simply continue to have conversations with the people sitting closest to them in class. 

In no time they will find that they have made lots of new friends when they move to university.