Department of Media and Cultural Studies
To all first-years
Welcome to the department. Still feeling a little disoriented? Don't worry. Some of our present students tell us that it took them a whole year before they were able to adjust to the realities of academic life at Poppleton. To help you on your way, here are some of the questions most frequently asked by new undergraduates:
Q. Who do I speak to about serious personal or academic problems?
A. We have recently appointed a student liaison officer (SLO) to deal with just such issues. You'll find her in the room marked Departmental Office on the third floor (sorry, no disabled access). Ask for "Maureen".
Q. My course tutor didn't turn up for my first seminar. What should I do?
A. The failure of a course tutor to turn up for a seminar may be taken as prima facie evidence of their absence. What were you thinking of doing?
Q. I'm sharing my room with a very devout Christian. What do you advise?
A. It's not clear whether you're boasting or complaining.
Q. Where on earth is the library?
A. A very good question. The technical answer is that the library was transformed into the Information Centre in 2000 and then earlier this year into the Learning Resources Centre. The director of data services (formerly the head librarian) tells us that these are radical changes in tune with the times. Unfortunately, they have not so far been recognised as such by the university signage.
Q. Who do I talk to about drugs?
A. Quite frankly, some things are best kept to yourself.
Q. I'm thinking of dropping out altogether. What do you think?
A. Don't move! Stay exactly where you are. Your presence on this campus is very important to us. Frankly, we love you. And if that's not enough, how about a Pounds 100 retention voucher? Chat to the SLO today.
Q. Where's Dr Piercemuller?
A. That's quite enough questions for one handout.